Mums and Dads – I don’t care how good those noise-cancelling headphones are. I don’t care how much of a discount they gave you in Richer Sounds, either. You’re going to be surrounded by over a thousand young girls, and when the little buggers start screaming, you WILL go deaf. Live with it.
2: STAND UP & SMILE
If your ticket reads “seated”, ignore it. Everyone around you will be standing, jumping, dancing, and the rest. If you want to keep all of your teeth – stay on your feet. While you’re at it, break out a smile. Imagine the shame of making eye contact with one of ‘the boys’ with nothing but a frown to offer them. You’ll feel like a berk…
3: AT THE END OF THE GIG
Yes, there will be an encore. Yes, it will get CRAZY. But the real danger is the token shirt-throwing and plectrum-tossing. Even David Attenborough won’t go near this jungle of flailing arms and falling wood. All you can do is stay perfectly still (assuming you’ve not joined in, that is.)
4: WHEN YOU GET HOME
You’ve made it out alive. You’ve even side-stepped the emotional melting that accompanied the stripped-down rendition of No Worries. The brownie points are in the bag. Don’t ruin it by picking up ANY instrument when you get home. Compared to McFly, even your best attempts at musical courting will be, well, crap. Do your self-esteem a favour, and leave it ‘til the morning.
5: ENJOY IT
After nine years on the road, McFly have a finely polished act. They might not be your flavour, but don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy the show. Everyone enjoys the show. It’s just the McFly way…